Somewhere Between Fine and Falling Apart
Thoughtful reflections on mental health, relationships, Appalachian life, and the ordinary moments that shape us.
By Dr. Brenda Everett | The Unbound Collective
September is a strange little middle space.
We’re ordering pumpkin drinks while it’s still 82 degrees outside. Mums are showing up on porches next to summer flowers that haven’t quite given up. Football is back. School is underway.
It’s not really summer anymore.
It’s not quite fall either.
We’re somewhere in the middle.
And honestly, a lot of us are too.
Maybe nothing is terribly wrong. You’re going to work. Getting everybody where they need to go. Answering emails. Making dinner. Doing the things.
But you’re tired.
You’re sleeping differently. More irritated. Staying home more. Scrolling longer. Maybe drinking a little more.
You’re still functioning, but maybe it just takes a whole lot more energy.
When that happens, our instinct is often to push harder.
Maybe we don’t need harder.
Maybe we need steadier.
Routine. Regulation. Connection. Community.
These are four things we come back to a lot at Unbound.
Not because they’re magic.
Because we’re humans.
Routine
Routine doesn’t have to mean a color-coded planner and a 5 a.m. morning routine.
Please don’t make September another self-improvement project.
Eat something before noon. Take your medication. Get up around the same time. Pack tomorrow’s bag tonight. Have one predictable thing at the end of your day.
Sometimes your brain just needs a few things it can count on.
Regulation
Sometimes you haven’t failed to think your way through the problem.
Your body is just overloaded.
Eat. Drink some water. Step outside. Move a little. Turn the noise down. Take a shower. Put your feet on the ground.
Regulation isn’t convincing yourself everything is fine.
It’s getting steady enough to decide what comes next.
Connection
Someone needs to know you.
Not the I’m fine, just busy version.
The actual version.
Your therapist. Your sister. A friend. Your partner. Somebody at work. The person you send ridiculous memes to late at night.
Connection doesn’t require a giant heart-to-heart.
Sometimes it starts with:
“I’m having a harder time than people realize.”
Community
Maybe you don’t have a community right now.
Start with proximity.
Sit at a coffee shop around other people instead of drinking your coffee alone at home.
Go to the library. Walk through the farmers market. Sit in the bleachers. Take your laptop somewhere public.
Go to the same place often enough that somebody eventually recognizes you.
You don’t have to join anything.
You don’t even have to talk.
Sometimes being around other humans is the first step.
You don’t have to already belong somewhere to start putting yourself near belonging.
When It’s a Heavy Chowder
Sometimes routine, regulation, connection, and community aren’t enough.
Sometimes life is just a lot.
Money. Marriage. Kids. Work. Grief. Trauma. Health. Loneliness. Aging parents. Relationships. All of it arriving at the same time.
I’ve sat across from enough people carrying complicated things to know there isn’t always a profound therapist response.
Sometimes I say:
“Well. That’s a heavy chowder.”
Because sometimes there are just too many things in the pot.
Instead of asking:
How am I supposed to fix all of this?
Try:
Who knows I’m carrying it?
Before It Becomes a Crisis
September is Suicide Prevention Month.
And suicide prevention doesn’t start in an emergency room.
It starts in the middle.
When you’re still functioning, but you’re not sleeping.
When you’re isolating.
When substances are becoming less about fun and more about shutting your brain off.
When I’m exhausted starts becoming I can’t keep doing this.
When I need a break becomes I want everything to stop.
You don’t have to decide whether it’s “bad enough.”
Tell somebody.
Make the therapy appointment.
Talk with your primary care provider.
If your medications aren’t working, symptoms have changed, or things have become more complicated, consider psychiatric medication management.
And if making the plan feels impossible, tell your therapist that too.
We can help you figure out the next step.
Create Some Space
Sometimes tonight’s job isn’t fixing your life.
It’s making tonight safer.
Remove means of harm. Create distance from medications, firearms, or anything else you could use to seriously hurt yourself. Ask someone you trust to help secure them.
Don’t be alone. Sit on someone’s couch. Ask somebody to come over. Stay on the phone. Go somewhere safe where other people are.
If you’ve been drinking or using substances, add safety. Don’t drive. Don’t walk home alone. Don’t disappear by yourself afterward. Get a safe ride. Stay with people you trust. Tell somebody where you are. Resist the urge to disconnect despite everything telling you to.
And maybe tonight isn’t the night to decide your marriage, your job, your future, or your worth.
For tonight:
Not alone. Not driving. Means of harm farther away. One safe person knows. One next step.
That’s enough.
When You Need More Support
Sometimes therapy next Tuesday isn’t enough.
If you’re noticing significant changes in your mood, sleep, anxiety, thinking, or behavior, your primary care provider can be a place to start. If you need more specialized medication support, there are local options. Talk to someone about medication management. The goal is to get feeling better, just like you would if you had the flu.
Valley HealthCare System
301 Scott Avenue, Morgantown
304-296-1731
WVU Medicine Behavioral Medicine & Psychiatry / Healthy Minds – Chestnut Ridge
930 Chestnut Ridge Road, Morgantown
304-598-4000
And if you’re worried you might act on suicidal thoughts, cannot keep yourself safe, or there is immediate danger, don’t wait for the next appointment.
Go to your nearest emergency department or call 911 for immediate danger.
When you can, take somebody with you. Also take snacks and water!
You don’t get bonus points for doing hard things alone.
Before Fall Actually Gets Here
September won’t stay in the middle forever.
The mornings will cool down. The leaves will turn. Eventually, the routines we’re stumbling through now will feel a little more familiar.
Before the season changes again, check in.
Do I have some routine?
What helps me regulate?
Who am I connected to?
Where am I finding community or at least putting myself near it?
You don’t need perfect answers.
Just notice which one has gone missing.
Maybe you start there.
Because despite all the ways we’ve learned to do life independently, we’re still people.
We need routine.
We need regulation.
We need connection.
We need community.
Especially in the middle spaces.
Unbound Counseling
Come as you are. Messy, Unhinged, Unsure, Feeling like garbage…We’ll meet you there. Don’t know where to start…
You can click here to schedule online: https://www.unboundcounseling.org/schedule