Why Is July So Hard?
Thoughtful reflections on mental health, relationships, Appalachian life, and the ordinary moments that shape us.
By Dr. Brenda Everett | The Unbound Collective
Why Is July Kicking Our Ass?
Every year, July arrives with a promise. This is supposed to be the good part. The vacations. The sunshine. The late sunsets. The cookouts. The pool days. The fireworks. The family memories we’ll talk about all winter long.
And maybe that’s part of the problem.
There’s a word for this kind of experience when maybe life asks us to slow down, to turn inward, to endure something that doesn’t match the season we thought we were in.
Somewhere along the way, maybe we’ve decided that summer should feel effortless and that we should love it.
But for a lot of people, it doesn’t.
As a counselor, I notice something every July. The people I work with aren’t suddenly “doing worse.” They’re carrying more than they realize. The heat is relentless. Children are home from school. Routines disappear.Sleep gets worse. Many medications used to treat anxiety, depression, ADHD, migraines, and other health conditions can make us more sensitive to heat or dehydration. Parents are trying to create magical summers while still working full-time. Caregivers don’t get a season off. And our bodies don’t suddenly stop carrying grief, trauma, chronic pain, financial stress, or uncertainty just because the calendar says it’s summer. We start asking ourselves the wrong questions.
“Why am I so irritable?”
“Why can’t I get motivated?”
“Why do I want everyone to leave me alone?”
Maybe the better question is:
“What has this season been asking my body to carry?”
There’s also a quieter, sneakier piece most people don’t realize. Our brains are wired with something called a “contrast effect.” When we expect something to feel amazing, anything less than that can feel like a letdown even if it’s objectively good. Summer gets built up all year long. We scroll past perfect vacations. We remember childhood summers that feel simpler than they actually were. We tell ourselves this is when we’ll finally relax, reconnect, and feel better. So when reality shows up hot, crowded, messy, exhausting it doesn’t just feel hard. It feels disappointing. A couple of weeks ago, my family and I finally made a trip to Mackinac Island. For years, I’d wanted to go. It was one of those places I quietly tucked away in the “maybe someday” category because there was always something more important to pay for first. A house payment. Kids. The business. Life.
When I finally booked one night, it felt like a small celebration. I imagined peaceful bike rides. Lilacs in bloom. Cool lake air. A chance to breathe. Instead, we arrived over the Fourth of July. The island was packed. The sidewalks were shoulder to shoulder. The heat settled over everything. The smell of horses was impossible to ignore. It wasn’t the peaceful picture I’d been carrying in my head for more than a decade. And yet…There was still beauty. We rode bikes around the island.I watched my son laugh with the ferry wind in his hair, sample free fudge, and admire butterflies with awe.
I stayed in a room filled with lilac wallpaper and old-fashioned charm that looked like it belonged in someone’s grandmother’s house. It wasn’t fancy, but after waiting so many years to be there, it felt exactly right. The trip reminded me of something I think we all forget. Life rarely gives us the version we’ve rehearsed in our minds. Sometimes the island is crowded. Sometimes it’s hot. And sometimes, if you’re someone who secretly prefers winter, it’s just… a lot.
Sometimes the vacation you’ve waited years for still includes headaches, tired kids, horse manure, and sunscreen that somehow ends up everywhere except where you need it. Sometimes the season you’ve been looking forward to still feels heavy. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth taking. I think that’s true for July, too.
Maybe we’re expecting ourselves to enjoy a season that our nervous systems are simply trying to survive. Maybe we’re in a kind of summer wintering moving through something that asks for gentleness instead of performance. Maybe we keep chasing the perfect summer while missing the small moments that quietly become the memories. A five-year-old dancing with a stranger. Ice cream melting faster than you can eat it. Watching the sun settle over the water. Sitting on a porch after dark because it’s finally cool enough to breathe again. Those moments don’t erase the hard parts.They exist alongside them. That’s something counseling has taught me over and over again.
Joy and exhaustion can coexist.
Gratitude and disappointment can share the same day.
You can finally arrive somewhere you’ve dreamed about for years and still think, “This isn’t what I expected.” That doesn’t mean the experience failed.It means life is usually more honest than the pictures we imagine. So if July has been kicking your ass or if you’re quietly counting down the days until fall. I hope you’ll give yourself a little grace.
Maybe this is your season to:
Drink the extra glass of water.
Take the slower evening.
Say no to one more obligation.
Sit outside after the sun starts to go down.
Let your children get dirty.
Lower the expectations.
Notice what’s beautiful without demanding that everything be beautiful. Summer doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
Neither do we.
A Moment to Reflect
Before you move on with your day, ask yourself:
What has this season been asking me to carry?
And what might I be ready to set down?
⸻
A book I am loving currently:
Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May is a thoughtful exploration of how seasons of rest, withdrawal, and reflection are not failures, but necessary parts of being human.
Find it on our bookshop.org list
— Dr. Brenda Everett
Unbound Counseling
About The Unbound Collective
The Unbound Collective is a space for thoughtful conversations about mental health, relationships, life in Appalachia, invisible struggles, and the ordinary moments that shape us. Through stories, clinical insight, and honest reflection, our hope is simple: that you’ll feel a little more understood and a little less alone.
If this reflection resonated with you, our team at Unbound Counseling is here to help. Whether you’re navigating stress, grief, trauma, life transitions, or simply feeling overwhelmed, we’d be honored to walk alongside you.
Ready to connect? Visit our scheduling page to learn more or book an appointment.